Writing is something that I love to do but find difficult to do when I am low or down emotionally or have a lot of clutter in my head.
It seems that in the past few weeks my life has changed from what it used to be! When your sixty something year old mum tells you that she needs you to go out more often and make a little more friends and not be a recluse in this next stage of your life, you begin to have a little understanding of what this means….
When it comes to marriages and relationships where kids are involved, a lot of us tend to put the kids first, you think about them and try to decide what might be best for them and for this reason, you hold on to a marriage or a relationship that is clearly bad for you. Everyone seems to see what this is doing to you except you, or maybe you do and keep thinking you should hold on for the kids, so the kids are stable and everything else in between. But the bigger question I believe is at the expense of what?
What if that sacrifice costs you your means of livelihood, a large chunk of your happiness, your hearty laughter that you are known for and almost all of your self confidence? When you start to look at it that way and how this rubs off on the children that you are trying to protect, what kind of a parent do you want to be for them? You begin to see it from a different perspective, from another angle.
…I did get to that point in my relationship with my children’s father and of course I had that fear of being a “single mum” (like there is anything wrong with that = better to be single and whole than married and broken)! Having dealt with all those demons of how the society sees me or entertaining that unnecessary fear of how I would do it all on my own, I realize that I really have just one life to live and I will not spend it as a recluse living a woe is me life! I will wake up in the morning everyday, work hard and embrace the possibilities that my then one track mind wasn’t seeing and become more confident knowing that i’ll rather be a strong and happy single mom of two adorable children that a weak, unhappy “married” (or if you could call it that) mother who had lost all of her self confidence and self esteem! Now what kind of example would i be setting for my strong but sensitive daughter or my little man?
Though it took me years to reach that decision with a lot happening along the way that I can’t quite speak of on the Internet, I did get to that point of clarity when I eventually reached rock bottom and eventually did the best thing both for myself and my kids – take my children and walk away or more like run which every mum worth her salt who has that opportunity will do considering the circumstances.
There is nothing like a mother’s love and even though it might sometimes seem like a viable option to leave the kids so you won’t have that “burden” and I did have that option, I knew that it was something that I will regret for the rest of my life. Someone said that it is still much better than having to worry about them all the time, even if it means that you all will be drinking “garri” together! Funny but so true! If you find yourself in that situation, know that the “garri” drinking days will just be for a moment and the best is yet to come. I pray that if you do find yourself in that situation as i have, the good Lord will send you helpers from every corner as He is doing for me!
Never leave your happiness in the hands or power of another and if you have, take it back cos you deserve better and trust me, you’ll be happier for it!
I am positive and have faith in what the future holds and i’ll be there every moment watching the kid’s grow and both them and myself will be all that we were meant to be by God’s grace. I am truly thankful for a strong support system from my family and unexpected helpers, totally overwhelmed by the show of love!
This is me and I am unapologetic about my situation and I do believe that every life experience was put there to make you a better version of yourself and I am totally embracing this new stage of my life, the new improved me that I am loving much better that the old version! Lol! Cheers to all the single mums and dad’s out there staying strong and doing it all! You totally rock #nokidding
“Fragrant” because Miss C walked into the kitchen while i was seasoning the beef and said “Aunty, you haven’t even started cooking and the kitchen already smells so good, the kitchen will know you entered here today” Lol! The flavors added to beef were crushed whole coriander, ginger, garlic and lemon juice and this added richness to it. I am a lover of one pot dishes so this is made as a one pot starting with sauteing and browing the beef so you get out all of that rich beef flavor plus the seasonings into the dish and the dish develops from there! Serve with some avocado for a tasty, satisfying comfort meal!
Here goes the print ready recipe. Enjoy!
- For Beef
- 1 kg Beef (cut into 1 inch cubes)
- 2 teaspoons Whole Coriander
- 1 teaspoon Salt
- 1 teaspoon White Pepper
- 4 Garlic Cloves (crushed/grated)
- 2 thumb sized of Ginger (crushed/grated)
- Juice from 1 large lemon
- For Rice
- 600 grams (About 3 Cups) Basmati Rice
- 4 medium sized tomatoes
- 4 large Tatashe ()Deseeded) (Substitute with 3 Red Bell Peppers)
- 1 - 2 Rodo (Red Scotch Bonnets)
- 1 Medium Onion (Roughly Sliced)
- 1 Medium Onion (Finely Chopped)
- juice from 1 lemon mix together thoroughly and leave to marinade 45 min to 1 hour.
- 600 grams Basmati Rice in water for 30 minutes and rinse thoroughly
- 180 mls (3/4 Cup) Vegetable Oil
- 140 grams Tomato Puree
- 1 teaspoon granulated Sugar
- 4 teaspoons medium Curry Powder
- 2 teaspoons ground Coriander
- 21/2 - 3 teaspoons Salt
- Sliced Avocado and Tomato to Serve
- Place cubed beef in a medium bowl. Crush whole coriander lightly using a mortar and pestle or place in a small ziploc bag and smash a couple of times with a wooden spoon. Add the crushed coriander to the beef with the salt, white pepper, garlic, ginger and lemon juice mix together thoroughly and leave to marinade 45 minutes to 1 hour.
- Meanwhile, rinse basmati rice thoroughly and soak in water for about 30 - 45 minutes then drain and set aside. Blend tomatoes, tatashe, rodo and the roughly sliced onion with ½ cup water until smooth.
- Place a large non stick pot or sauce pan over medium high heat.. Add the vegetable oil. Once hot gently empty the marinaded beef mix into the oil with the chopped medium onion and allow to cook, stirring from time to time with a wooden spoon, you will find that the beef will let out liquid. Cover the pot and continue cooking so the liquid dries out and you are left with a thick, brown sauce that separates from the oil. Reduce heat to medium and let the beef brown and become tender adding a little water as needed so the beef is succulent.
- Add the tomato puree to the beef with 2 tablespoons water and cook, stirring often for about 5 minutes. Pour in the blended tomato, tatashe, rodo and onion mix then add the sugar, curry powder, ground coriander and salt. Cover the pot and let simmer for 10 minutes. If you find your sauce to be too thick,add a little water. After 10 minutes, stir in the drained basmati rice, cover the pot with foil paper and put the lid on. Cook for about 12 - 15 minutes on medium low heat checking and stirring gently every few minutes.
- One the rice is cooked (you want your rice a little undercooked or al dente as it continues to cook while still hot and basmati rice can go soft very quickly), take of the heat and allow to sit with the lid off for a few minutes. Serve and enjoy with some sliced avocado and fresh tomatoes